Bruises
by Callymoon
Summary: A story about Brendan and Ste which will include some canon scenes and some of my own imagining.
1. Chapter 1

**2011**

His body looked like a map. He could tell you what each bruise meant, when it had happened, where it had happened, what he'd supposedly done wrong. After the first few times it didn't really hurt any more, or maybe he had simply learned to switch off the pain, to make himself numb to what was going on. He could tell when it was going to happen now, he could look at Brendan's face and see the light disappear from his eyes. He became a different person, it wasn't him doing it, it was someone else. At least that's what Steven told himself, how he justified Brendan's behaviour. There were two parts to Brendan and if he wanted the good parts,, then he had to take the other side. The side who looked at Steven as he was a stranger, who spoke to him as if he barely knew who he was, who hit him where no one else could see the bruises. But the good side of Brendan, the side that could take Steven's breath away in an instant, who knew how to touch him, who kissed him like no one had before, who looked at him as if no one else mattered, who was flirtatious and hot and sexy as fuck and who was right now curled up asleep beside him. If Steven wanted all that, then were the bruises really such a high price to pay?

He thought that I was asleep, but I wasn't. I haven't slept properly since I was six years old. I knew he was awake because he breathed differently when he was sleeping. Most people don't notice small things like that, but then most people aren't like me. Steven was wide awake, while I laid next to him pretending to be asleep. Pretending. That was something else I'd been doing for as long as I could remember. If I let people see the real me, the me that I knew existed beneath the Brendan Brady character I showed to the world they would be terrified. If they thought that Brendan was scary, well the real me that was even worse. The only one who came close to seeing him was Steven. I opened my eyes and let my fingers trail gently over the tattoo on his hip. Just above I could see one of his many bruises. Sometimes it was difficult to see where one bruise ended and another began. I knew that it was I who hurt him like this. I knew that there was a world of difference between giving someone a slap and the kind of bruises that Steven had. Yet, there was something inside me that I didn't know how to fix, wasn't even sure I wanted to fix. I knew when the anger was going to take over and there wasn't anything I could do about it. At least that's what I told myself. The simple fact was hurting Steven was the only way I knew how to hurt myself. Every time I beat him I was hitting myself, every time I looked at him as if he were nothing it was my own reflection I saw gazing back, and every time I told him he disgusted me it was my father's voice I heard in the back of my head. Even though on some level I knew that, none of it helped Steven. This was the longest amount of time apart from Eileen that I had been with someone. I didn't do relationships yet I kept on coming back to Steven time and again. I let my lips brush softly over his most recent bruise. Would I stop hurting him? Did I want to stop? Could I stop?


	2. Chapter 2

**Steven 2010**

This was my chance to make a good impression, to actually try to get Brendan to like me and then maybe he'd stop giving me such a hard time. No matter what I did it never seemed to please him. Although recently he seemed to have changed. Apart from the weird Rae business he was actually being a bit nice to me, we'd already been out to the casino and now we were hitting the town. The two of us were bound to get lucky and pick some girls up tonight.

Well that was a total waste of time, Brendan couldn't find his money so we were now at the pub. Great, we know how to live. Our plans for a big night in town have ended up with us standing at the bar in The Dog waiting for Carl Costello to serve us. Good times.

This wasn't turning out to be such a bad night, or maybe that was to do with how many pints I'd already downed. We stumbled back to Brendan's flat and I slumped down on the sofa. Whiskey, god my head was already buzzing. As I stood up I tripped over his foot and fell to the floor, luckily Brendan managed to catch me. I couldn't help laughing, I must be drunker than I thought. All of a sudden it was as if everything changed, and I became very aware of Brendan's body above mine. His hand was now on my face and he had this intense look in his eyes. My breathing became heavy and as if out of nowhere my mouth was on his. Fuck fuck fuck what was I doing? Why on earth was I kissing him, shit this was Brendan he was going to go fucking mental. I made it out of the flat without being hit which was a miracle. How I made my way back to the flat I do not know. Off my face on whiskey and worry I touched my mouth that only a few minutes ago had been firmly pressed against his. Shit what had I done.

Half an hour sleep that was it. I wish I didn't have to work today. Could I get away with phoning in sick? What if he came looking for me, better to be in the club surrounded by other people. I didn't want him suddenly appearing at my door when Amy and the kids weren't around. Brendan had a temper, but surely he wouldn't do anything or say anything while the others were at the club. Why did I do it? Why did I kiss him? I knew the answer already.

Great, Rhys had phoned in sick. Bang goes my genius plan of not being alone with Brendan. There was no way I was going to be able to spend all day not talking about it, fuck it. He was in his office I might as well just get this over and done with, if he told me to fuck off or sacked me, then I was just going to have to go and find another job. Getting the sack was definitely better than taking a beating that's for sure. I took a deep breath knocked on his door and stepped inside to find him sitting behind his desk. I'm not going to lie I instantly flashed back to last night and what it felt like to have him that close to me. Jesus I'd actually kissed him last night. I looked at the floor because if I looked at him my cheeks were going to go the same colour as the shirt he was wearing. "Have you got a minute. I just wanted to say I'm sorry." I looked up and he was just staring at me not saying anything. Was that good? "About what happened yesterday. I don't even know why." Still nothing, just silence which I tried to fill. "I think it was probably the booze you know, cos I wasn't even thinking straight was I, I wasn't thinking at all."  
"Don't bother me."  
Finally. "Serious?"  
"Mmmm."  
"So I've still got a job, you're not going to batter me?"  
"Well you wouldn't be much use to me then now would ya."  
"Right." I felt the relief spreading through me. I figured we should probably talk about what happened that way we wouldn't have to mention it again. I sat on the desk in his office. "It's not like I've even done it before."  
"Are you blaming me?"  
"No I didn't mean that."  
"You think I'm queer."  
"No I don't think it's anything to do with you, it's me, it must be me." I couldn't look at him.

**Brendan 2010**

That Steven was trying my patience, ask him to do a simple thing and he fucked it up, tell him to ignore something and he stuck his fucking nose in. Well we all know what curiosity did to the cat and I was a lot more unpleasant than curiosity. He was on borrowed time and if he didn't buck his ideas up then he would be out of a job so fast his feet wouldn't touch the ground.

Rae. What the fuck kind of name is that. Seriously who calls their kid Rae. Now she'd just turned up out of the blue and Steven wanted me to take her on as a DJ. No chance. I wasn't letting her get her claws into him. So that was Rae out of the way then. It was for his own good, she would have only taken advantage of his kind nature. He was too soft that was his problem, he just let people walk all over him. Jesus she was like a cockroach, just when you think you've got rid of it up it pops again. Steven should never have got in touch with her again, should never have taken her out. Now she was here in my club disturbing Steven while he was trying to work. What made it worse was that I had to listen to an irritant like India which again what was with these names? I literally have no idea what she is saying, I'm too busy looking over her shoulder at Steven. I've noticed him more and more recently, finding myself wanting to spend more time with him, giving him extra shifts so that we get to work together. I know what is happening, but I can't help it, I'm powerless to stop it.

I find myself watching him as he works. I try not to feel like this, hate myself that I do, try to block out these feelings, but I just can't. I need to have him, I need to make him want me, need him to make the first move. I smile inside as an idea comes to mind.

Pretending I couldn't find my money was a genius idea if I do say so myself. Although being stuck in The Dog is hardly my idea of a good night. "Steven do you want to go back to mine for a couple more drinks, seems a shame to end the night now?"  
"Yeah great."  
We made our way back to the flat and Steven flopped into the sofa, he seemed quite drunk, but he wasn't totally wasted. We drank some beautiful Irish whiskey although I'm not entirely convinced that Steven appreciated it. He was cute when he was drunk. Actually he was a lot more than cute. I was sitting as close to him as I possibly could without actually touching. I knew what I wanted to happen, it was whether Steven wanted it to happen too. I was taking a risk, but what was a life led without risk? A fucking waste.

I tripped him up, it was so simple. I caught him before he could really hurt himself though. It had been a while since I had a blokes body beneath me and certainly not one who looked like Steven. I felt the sudden change in the air around us as I cupped his face in my hand. I didn't stop looking in his eyes until finally I saw the change and I knew I had him.

I woke up thoughts of what happened last night flooding my mind. Today would be interesting. I was curious about what Stevens reaction would be. Would he come in today, would he call in sick? No he'd front up to the club. I remembered how he had challenged me over Carmel and our trip to Spain, he must have been scared yet he'd still had the bottle to call me out over it. Was that when I started paying more attention to Steven, when I became more aware of his every move, when I'd started to get jealous of a stupid little girl like Rae? Maybe.

I sipped at my tea wondering how long it would take before he came to see me. I looked at my watch, he'd already been in for 20 minutes. I reckoned another five minutes and then he'd be knocking at my office door. I took another swig of my tea while the minutes ticked round on my watch. Bang on five minutes there was a knock. Still got it. Good lad Steven.  
"Have you got a minute. I just wanted to say sorry."  
I didn't say anything.  
"About what happened yesterday. I don't even know why."  
I knew why.  
"I think it was probably the booze you know, cos I wasn't even thinking straight was I, I wasn't thinking at all."  
"Don't bother me."  
"Serious?"  
"Mmmm."  
"So I've still got a job, not going to batter me?"  
"Well you wouldn't be much use to me then now would ya."  
"Right."  
"It's not like I've even ever done it before."  
"Are you blaming me?"  
"No I didn't mean that."  
"You think I'm queer?"  
"No I don't think it's anything to do with you, it's me, it must be me."  
"So...you have done it before."  
"No I haven't...I nearly did."  
Is that what I had seen in Steven? Did on some level I sense that? I was surprised at just how much Steven was revealing to me, he definitely had bottle I'd give him that.  
"When I was in the nick erm there was this lad down the corridor and me and him were like best mates, but I never...I thought about it, but I never. And, then when I got out I just went straight back to Amy didn't I and I never thought about another bloke ever again."  
"Till last night."  
"Are you going to tell anyone?"  
"Matey I wouldn't tell anyone even if they had a gun to my head." Literally.  
"Right...erm me and you we're still mates."  
"It never happened...ok?"  
"Ok thanks Brendan."  
"No worries we'll say no more about it, now go on get back to work." He walked out my office leaving me with lots of things to think about not least of which he'd thought about blokes before. Maybe this would be easier than I thought.

I stood at the end of the bar watching him before making my move. I sidled up to him so there was hardly any space between us. "Ya looking for something to do? There's some crates down the cellar that need taking up."  
"Ok."  
He began to move away from me. "What was that all about before?"  
"I don't know what you are talking about."  
"Don't cha." I stood right in front of and looked at him.  
"I'll just go and get them crates."  
He walked away and I stood there, how long should I leave it. I didn't want it to look like I was chasing him down there, like I was desperate for what was coming. Five minutes, then I'd follow him down to the cellar. That felt more like fifty minutes than five, but there you go. I felt the excitement building in my chest as I walked downstairs to the cellar. The unknown. Was there any bigger turn on then that? I had no idea what Stevens reaction was going to be, ah who am I kidding of course I knew. I opened the door to find Steven standing with a crate in his hand. "You're not going anywhere." I locked the cellar door and turned to find a look of bemusement and was that fear on Stevens face? I walked towards him confidence in what I was about to do oozing out of me. He backed up, the crate still in his hands until his back hit the wall. All that separated us was the crate. I could sense his unease, his fear and it made me even more certain that what I was about to do was right. Once I'd done it there was no going back. I took the crate from him and rested it on the table. I stood as close to him as I possibly could without touching and got up in his face. He looked scared and I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a turn on. This was the best part, the anticipation, the almost unbearable excitement of what was about to happen, the shock on Stevens face when it happened, would he reciprocate or would he push me away? I gently placed my mouth on his before pulling away, I looked into his eyes I wanted to know exactly what he was thinking. He looked uncertain, surprised, a bit afraid. I smiled the smile that had disarmed stronger men than Steven and then once more brushed my lips across his, but for a bit longer this time. I pulled away and let my eyes roam all over his face looking for signs of regret or displeasure, but I wasn't often wrong. I could hear his ragged breathing along with mine. Now I knew I had him. I'm not sure who moved first, but our mouths crashed against each others both ferocious in our appetite for one another. He was good. but I was better. My tongue forced its way into his mouth and I couldn't help but smile when his tongue began working just as hard as mine. Steven had hidden depths, I was going to enjoy this more than I imagined.


End file.
